CHECKLIST FOR TURNING
A DEMOCRACY INTO A DICTATORSHIP
□ Be
a bully to the core. Consider yourself
smarter than all those saps.
□ Change your
name if necessary to something catchy mean-sounding and short. “Stalin” and “Hitler” and have been taken but “Trump” gets your
attention. Sort of like hobnail boots on
pavement at 3 AM.
□ Become known.
Being known for conduct generally considered outrageous and egotistical
by the majority is fine. Attempting to
overthrow the Bavarian government by marching from beer halls has been done and
has a geographic limitation. Build huge
office towers and name them after yourself, host an idiotic reality TV program,
or both.
□ Belittle all institutions (except aggressive
police and military people). Call all parts
of the social fabric failures. Implying
that you have the answers to all the problems they cause; proclaim that all
those laws, rules, and constitutional restraints are designed to keep real
[fill in the blank for your audience] poor, and oppressed (or insufficiently
rich and oppressive). This is a surefire
formula for attracting a significant part of the population who recognize a
fellow bully full of resentments, and think that his attaining power will be
good for them.
□ Simultaneous
with the above, make friends and act very respectful with very wealthy people
who don’t like the government getting in their way. If at all possible they should already
control media including platforms that claim to be fair and balanced (Fox News
comes to mind somehow) or that appeal to the utterly credulous, like the
Enquirer that will happily accuse your political opponent of running child
slavery rings out of New Jersey pizza parlors.
□ Foster division. Lie outrageously deprecating some minority
within the population. If the lie is
outrageous enough your adherents will
happily repeat it because it makes them feel they are smart and in the know. The
responsible media will not pay it much attention, at first, because it is off
their radar and simply doesn’t make sense.
People with unusual names (“e.g. Obama”), homosexuals, “those women”, public
officials, civil rights advocates, careful judges and tolerant people generally,
are all good targets. Preferably the lies should claim the “other” is engaged in a conspiracy.
□ Bash foreigners. Immigrants and those across the border are
always great targets. Like would-be
bullies, xenophobes are always a significant part of any electorate. Imply foreigners are “dirty”, “criminals” , “sneaky” or from “shithole countries”. Suggest that those who are already citizens
could have their citizenship taken away.
Establish government policies to treat immigrants badly. Once you’ve made xenophobia fashionable it’s
amazing how far you can take it. You can
tear children from their parents. You may
even build an armed or walled border, that not only keeps immigrants out, but locks
in your own population.
□ Encourage violence
by your adherents. When some racist drives
into a crowd of peaceful protesters, call him and his group “good people”. If armed thugs intimidate a state governor,
encourage others to imitate this and remind the populace of their sacred right
to bear arms. Praise the police if they are clubbing someone.
□ Engage in daily name
calling of your political opponents. This
appeals to the part of the population whose brains stopped maturing in the fourth
grade.
□ Get elected to high
office. Election by a small plurality, a
gerrymander, or voter intimidation is just fine. Proclaim that you intend a revolutionary
house cleaning of corruption.
□ Fire (or exile or murder)
some of the people who have helped you get into power. This shows that you are not to be messed
with, and to the saps who hope you will be a reformer, implies you are
flexible. It is an opportunity to get
rid of undesirable hangers-on who may think they can exercise control over you or
use you.
□ Abuse the media (other than your buddies). Deny journalists access if you can’t have
them shut down or arrested. Maybe you
can help vicious Arabian monarchs lure a reporter you don’t like to an embassy
where he will literally not emerge in one piece.
□ Remind people how “GREAT”
you are. Over and over and over again.
□ Subvert
the next election. Lie about how it
could be rigged by the other side. This
serves (a) to provide information to your followers on how to actually rig the
election, (b) intimidates voters who are inclined to think their vote won’t
count, and (c) provides an excuse for cancelling elections or ignoring the
results. Example:
Allege that mail-in ballots are going to increase fraud while causing
the postal service to go bankrupt.
□ Cultivate the armed forces. Have flattering pictures taken with you and
your Defense Chief and top generals while holding a bible in front of a church. Try to make sure that they will stand aside
if your armed bullies decide it is their patriotic duty to rig the election. Denigrate any part of law enforcement or
security that doesn’t support you.
□ Ignore election
results. Unless it is a victory for you,
it was fraud. Anyway, you are too
important to be replaced.
□ Explain that
whatever you do next is necessary to protect the nation from [fill in the
blank] terrorists.
□ Jail the
opposition.
Of
course it can’t happen here. Right? Right?
P.L.
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